Addicted to Love: How to Break the Addiction of Rejection
by Jeanine Swatton
Some people say that for every year you are in a relationship, it takes approximately half of that time to recover. In my opinion, it takes as long as you want it to. During a breakup, you go through a grieving process which is similar to a death of a loved one. If someone you loved as passed, you receive a tremendous amount of support from friends and family. However, if you are going through a divorce or a breakup, you may feel alone and quite isolated. Your friends sometimes do not know how to react. They may say to you – “Well, this person was not the right one for you. There are plenty of fish in the sea. You can do so much better!” Obviously, this is the last thing you want to while trying to recover from rejection.
Research has shown that rejection is a form of addiction. If you are addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, etc and you break this habit, you go through “withdrawal symptoms”. In a failed relationship, the same concept applies. You are extending the recovery period since you are focusing on the fond, loving memories as opposed to the unhealthy ones. According to Dr. Amen’s book, Sex on the Brain, “when we love someone, they live in the emotional or limbic centers of our brains. They actually live in the neurons and synapses of the brain.” He explains that the absence of this person results in a disrupted “inflamed brain center”. To recover from this, it is critical to raise the endorphins and other feel good chemicals in your brain.
The following is a list of techniques to help you recover from rejection. I have also incorporated a couple of neurolinguistic programming (mind programming) techniques In order to heal quickly from a breakup:
- Focus on 2 negative moments during the relationship. Replay these scenes in your mind 2 times a day.
- Allow time to grieve. Allocate 1 hour a day or less. If a moment of sadness creeps up on you during a busy work day, set it aside and say to yourself that you will deal with it at your scheduled time.
- Do not remember the good times. Remembering the good times will bring physical pain to you – that’s why they say that love hurts – physically, it does!
- Raise your endorphins! Endorphins are the happy chemicals in your brain which will remove the physical pain. Any form of physical activity/exercise will increase your endorphins!
- Spend time with people who exude positive energy. This will also raise the oxytocin levels in your brain – which is the “bonding chemical” you have experienced with your former partner. By getting your bonding chemical fix with friends and family, you will speed up the process of filtering this person out of your system!
- Pick up a new hobby that you were not allowed to do or did not have time to do while you were in a relationship. This could include a sports activity, dance lessons or learning a new language.
- Say to yourself everyday – “From this situation, something good will come”. In every relationship, a lesson is learned. It will only get better from here. This person came into your life for a reason – figure out the lesson and move on.
- Write a letter to your former partner but do not send it! Expressing your feelings on paper is extremely therapeutic! Write down everything you wanted to say to that person, then destroy the letter. Be as explicit as you want! Get angry!
- Remove all reminders of your former partner. If you have photos, clothing etc, remove it out of sight. Get rid of them if you’d like or just hide them away until you have filtered this person out of your system.
- Keep a “feel good” journal and track your healing process on a daily basis. You will be pleasantly surprised by the progress you are making.
Rejection is challenging to recover from but with the right tools, you will remove this feeling and begin to develop the strength and confidence to pursue the RIGHT relationship for you. Be grateful for this experience because from this situation, someone even better will appear in your life.
Sending you love and light.
Advice on True Love